A Call to the Divine Masculine

This afternoon, I visited with my two sisters, my 11 year-old nephew, and my 3 year-old niece. We went for ice cream at a favorite local restaurant, which had provided distanced picnic tables in a grassy area above the parking lot. My nephew and I waited for our ice cream while my sisters hauled my niece up the steep stairs with their treats. All this time, a random dog was running off-leash, around the lined-up customers (mostly women and children). As my nephew and I headed for the picnic area, we heard a man screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs, and saw my sisters trying to get my niece back down the stairs. It was his dog that was running around and, when the dog ran up to my niece, overwhelming her with its size, my sister asked the man to call his dog over to him. The man started screaming, “F*****g bitches! In 15 years I’ve never put my dog on a leash and I’m not going to start now.”

When I went up to confront the man myself, he and his wife had left the park, and I saw my sister’s ice cream still sitting on the table, melting into a puddle. I headed down the stairs to tell my sisters that they should come back, and I saw the man sitting his in his luxury SUV next to the stairs. I looked at him and said, “Were you just cursing out my sisters and my little niece?” He sneered, “Who, me? No! You must have me confused with someone else!” And laughed. I said, “You’re a real man, aren’t you?” He said, “Are you bitch too?” I replied, “Absolutely.” I looked at his license plate and read the number back to him, at which point he took off. His wife never said a word; she was completely subdued. The only other man privy to the incident commented and laughed about it to one of my sisters but at no point tried to intervene.

I felt a detached curiosity during this incident; bewildered by a 50-something year-old man who is so insecure in himself (and perhaps unable to cope with what’s happening on the planet right now) that he had to torment any woman in his vicinity, including his wife and a 3 year-old. Last night, however, I went to bed sleepless, enraged by the two separate incidents of male police terrorizing Black women and children in Washington D.C. and Colorado. Tonight, I won’t be able to sleep until I express what I feel is happening.

There is a very real energy around toxic masculinity that is being called up at this time because it is being cleared out of our world. This energy has held the seat of power for thousands of years. It has distorted major world religions, waged countless wars, and tortured and subjugated women, children, and anyone who doesn’t conform to white, male, heterosexual norms. This power has dictated the course of our planet to the point that it has nearly wiped out life in all of its forms. This corrupt masculine energy has had its day and can no longer be allowed to run the show. What we’ve seen with the #metoo movement, with the Catholic church, with sex trafficking, with Black Lives Matter—is, at last, a call for Accountability. Like any dying thing, this toxic masculine energy will kick and scream on its way out, clutching at power any way that it can, even to the point of blatant public abuse of those in weaker positions.

The energy of the Universe, in all things, is divided into the Masculine and Feminine, the Alpha and Omega. Both energies exist in each one of us, regardless of gender, and both energies are sacred. The Divine Masculine (Alpha) is Presence, Awareness, Space without form, and pure Consciousness. The Divine Feminine (Omega) is Energy, Creation, and pure Love. We can’t have one without the other; both are needed for perfect balance and harmony. When integrity lapses in one or both, we see shadow, dysfunction, toxicity, abuse. Life is thrown off balance, and disorder rules the day.

What we’ve experienced for centuries is a distortion of masculine energy, to the point that the Goddess must now intervene, or this masculine energy will destroy us. We are seeing the rise of Kali Ma, the great Mother and Protector of the Universe. She is the fierce embodiment of Shakti (or Feminine energy). She demands that Shiva (or Masculine energy) fall in line and work with her, not against her. Without her life-giving force, Shiva is impotent; with her, Shiva can become one with God or the Universe.

Those of us beings who identify with the Divine Feminine, call upon every man and masculine-identified being at this time, to step into his/their rightful place as a CONSCIOUS PRESENCE in a world that desperately needs you right now. You must not look away. You must not check out. We need you to step into your highest integrity. We need you to act. We need you to hold space for the Feminine, so that She can finally heal, trust, and thrive as She was always meant to. We need you to be Warriors and Protectors. We need you to demand better of yourselves and your brothers. We need you to hold boundaries. We need you to face your darkest shadows so that you can participate in the new world that’s coming.

Make no mistake, we are feeling the birthing pains of a new age. When a bright light suddenly illuminates a dark room, it is agonizing at first, but when our eyes adjust, we see how much beauty and perfection we had been missing. If you’re a masculine being who feels (and fears) that you’re losing your footing and place in the world—you are correct. But while this process is challenging, be assured that you are called to step into a far greater role, if you choose to accept it. The Divine Feminine holds out her hand to the Divine Masculine, beckoning him to join her. We can create something better, but it has to be together, not at the expense of the other. Men: we are looking to you. What is this moment in time demanding of you? Who are you going to become?

I AM BRAVE AND STRONG

When I was a child, I was afraid of everything, all the time. My Top Five Fears were:

• Nuclear war with Russia
• My parents getting divorced or something happening to my sisters
• Tornadoes
• Getting an incurable disease
• Auditioning for the plays I loved to do

To cope with these fears, I:

• Cultivated a life-long battle with insomnia by staying awake all night, kneeling beneath my bedroom window, watching the sky for signs of a missile attack.
• Obsessed over every word, fight, emotion and unspoken dynamic in my family. I bossed around my sisters, which they LOVED (sarcasm).
• Went into hysterics every time there was a thunderstorm. I lived in Indiana, so this was an every-other-day occurrence.
• Compulsively watched every Made-for-TV, Disease-of-the-Week movie about kids dying from illness.
• Forced myself to audition through uncontrollable nerves that prevented me from landing the roles I wanted.

On the slightly healthier side, I had a mantra I repeated whenever I was terrified to go through an experience. I would imagine myself as an adult and say to myself: When I’m 23, I won’t be afraid of this. When I’m 35, I won’t be afraid of this. For some reason, knowing that I would someday outgrow the fear helped me to move through it in the present.

My entire life has been an exercise in overcoming fear. Nearly every relationship I’ve formed, trip I’ve taken, audition I’ve shown up for, conversation I’ve had, and new experience I’ve tried, has been dearly fought for through a fog of fear. I’ve been pleased to discover that, indeed, as an adult I haven’t been so afraid of the things I feared as a child. I’ve also learned that repetition and practice is my best ally and the foundation of confidence.

For the past year, I’ve walked through much of what many people are starting to experience now: health challenges, job loss, housing loss, no regular income for a year (and still none), fear, uncertainty, and social isolation—all while navigating crippling grief and heartbreak. None of my financial, housing or social challenges have resolved yet, although I’m deeply grateful for the return of my health. I was hoping to turn a corner soon but may have to exercise patience even longer than I was expecting, as jobs continue to fall through and social opportunities decline. It has been surreal to witness the current climate with a feeling of familiarity instead of novelty. To that end, I’d like to share some of the things that have been helpful to me, with the hope that they will be helpful to others as well.

I believe that learning to face and manage fear is our hardest but most important task:

• Feel fear whenever it arises, without resisting or ignoring it.
• Acknowledge it and allow it to move through and out of your body.
• Become an Observer. Step outside of the paradigm of fear, realizing that it is not you, and that it can be experienced without it having to mean anything.
• Get present. Feel your breath moving in and out of your body. Get in touch with your senses. Recognize that, in this moment, you are almost certainly okay. This is true even within difficult moments, if you take them one at a time.
• Connect your Mind and Body. Our feeling of separation from the Whole is what causes most of our suffering and this is true when our bodies feel disconnected as well. When we walk around with racing brains and numb bodies, it’s a recipe for fear to take charge.

My Favorite Ways to Ground & Connect:

Meditation. If you do nothing else for yourself, even 10 minutes of meditation per day will change your life. When we become still, we discover that we are not our bodies, our relationships, our jobs, our finances, our successes, our failures, our environment, or our politics. We simply are…something much greater and deeper than any of those things. We step outside of identification with the personality. Connecting with the Source of who we really are is the beginning of the end of fear. Here’s a meditation practice for Inner Peace.

Nature. Getting outside is truly the best medicine. In a world that moves fast and revolves around technology, nature has a different rhythm. It is slow, cyclical, seasonal. Things come and go, rise and fall. Connecting to nature’s rhythms can provide immediate relief from fear, anxiety and depression, and give us the fortitude to move ahead.

Yoga / Walking / Dancing. Any exercise that connects the two halves of the brain, drops you into your body and releases endorphins is a fantastic way to combat fear. When I couldn’t do any exercise at all, I missed it terribly, but the benefits were still there when I remembered to align with my breath and inner spaciousness. My favorite at-home classes are Yoga with Adriene.

Breathwork. Most people are breathing shallowly, from their chest, or unconsciously holding their breath. Deep, diaphragmatic breathing and pranayama techniques strengthens and settles the nervous system, boosts immunity, processes old trauma, releases stuck emotion, and helps us to stay mindful of the present moment. I’ve even used this on an airplane during bad turbulence and it worked. Here’s a great series to learn some basic breathing techniques.

Tapping. EFT Tapping provides almost instant relief from anxiety, spinning thoughts, fear, and physical pain. It’s been proven to be as effective as acupuncture and can be done safely and easily by anyone, anywhere, of any age. My favorite Tapping coach is Nick Ortner.

Chanting. Chanting a Sanskrit mantra along with music is a powerful way to focus one’s mind and energy. In Kundalini Yoga, one aims to chant for at least 11 minutes; I can promise that you will feel differently when you end than when you began. I had chants playing on repeat during my hospital stay, through the late hours when I couldn’t sleep, and it was incredibly comforting. My favorite music for chanting is White Sun.

Journaling. Many years ago, I began doing Morning Pages, which is at least three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing first thing in the morning. This practice has brought me more clarity than almost anything else I do. It’s a great place to dump the fear so that it leaves your head and doesn’t dump onto other people instead. Here’s the explanation of Morning Pages from Julia Cameron.

I can honestly affirm that walking through fear builds strength, resilience, confidence and compassion. There are many gifts to be found within this tumultuous time. We humans have been and will continue to be challenged for as long as we inhabit the earth. The only difference now is that we are much more connected through technology and so everything can appear to be worse or more overwhelming (which, objectively, it is not). I make a habit of limiting my news and social media intake and try to observe the fear, non-judgmentally, instead of participating in it. This is a choice that each of us has the power to exercise and it’s a choice that uplifts the collective instead of taking us all down in a toilet-paper frenzy.

My almost-three-year-old niece has an adventurous spirit and often says to me, “Don’t worry, Aw Daw (Aunt Dawn), I save the day!” And then she’ll repeat her own mantra: I Am Brave and Strong. I love to witness how she has already outgrown so many of her early fears and I hope that her spirit stays wild and free as she walks through this world. We are all brave and strong; let’s keep reminding each other of that.

GOING HOME

I’m about seven weeks back into my daily Yoga practice, which has been the greatest gift, after a grueling several months where I was physically unable to exercise or move much at all. I missed my practice more than anything and still feel immense gratitude each evening when I step onto the mat. I’m so excited to be able to participate in the annual Yoga with Adriene 30 day challenge again.

For the past couple of years it was simply about being able to complete the challenge and structure a daily practice. Now, it has become a heightened continuation of a firmly established habit. I encourage anyone who needs shifting, growth, balance, healing, love, or connection in their life to give this January challenge a try. I believe that it will be one of the best gifts you could ever give yourself and a beautiful way to start a new decade. It’s suitable for all ages, abilities and body types; it’s completely free, and you can sign up here. See you on the mat!