HIGHER SELF DIALOGUE

How do I manage the sadness of having to let go of so many people, places and things that I loved?

When you let go, you are actually in creation-mode, clearing space, ready to build something new. But that energetic attachment to the old is normal, because it is part of being human to love your former creations or those things which were once a part of you or made you who you are up until this point. Sometimes it feels as though loss is all there is, and that nothing new will ever come, and you will just be saying goodbye over and over again.

However, the endings are beginnings, and it is all part of the same circle that spins around you, and it’s only a matter of perspective as to where you choose to jump in and experience something specific. But then you get attached to that singular point in space and time and you can’t move around to other points that would be equally energizing for you. You can’t experience another point if you stay stuck in this one. So you have to let go and trust, as you free-fall into another moment where Life will rise up to meet you and provide everything you need. Letting go, detaching, and moving on with grace is the work…but it can be effortless if you allow that energy of emotion to flow through and out and to transform into something new.

The Synchronicity of “Home”

Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those with eyes to see.

(Carl Jung)

I never experienced consistent synchronicity in my life until last year. Up until then, it was such a rare occurrence that I was thrilled whenever a drop fell into my awareness, and I attached a lot of meaning to it. However, after my Dark Night of the Soul, I started encountering synchronicity on a daily basis– an experience which has only heightened during 2020. Now, I’m beginning to understand that synchronicity in and of itself is not meaningful; rather, it alerts us to the knowingness that we are in touch with the flow and fabric of Life.

What does that say about my life before 2019? That I was not in flow, not even close, and I could feel it. Everything in my world seemed to be working against what I wanted, halting my progress, falling apart, and keeping me stuck in stagnation. This was not for lack of trying. I knew about flow and synchronicity and I really wanted to be inside of that paradigm. But that required radical surrender and trust–to the Great Unknown, with no expectations or control over results–and that was something I couldn’t yet do.

As I experience consistent synchronicity, I’d like to write more about it, because I’m still in the process of rebuilding the pieces of my life that shattered last year. While I don’t yet have concrete evidence of my desires and dreams, I can feel them coming like never before, and I truly believe that tapping into presence and awareness are keys to unlocking this code. Following is an illustration of the subtle and profound ways synchronicity can show up…

It has been over a year since I was in my own home, which has come with all sorts of gifts and challenges, as I navigate my return to full health (something that’s still in progress). I feel a deep longing to be in my own space again, as it’s an important component in my creativity. This desire can spiral into anxiety if I let it, because I don’t yet see how or when this will become possible, and so I try to ask for guidance and listen for answers without getting too attached to the longing or outcome.

Two nights ago, I went into a guided shamanic journey with a teacher I’ve been learning from regarding dreamwork. She told us to ask a question at the outset, which would be answered inside the journey. My question was, as usual, how and where will I find a home of my own? Then we were to let a strong companion enter the journey–real or imaginary–who would help to guide us. We were to let any images, memories, associations or thoughts bubble up into our consciousness without trying to control or direct the journey. As I floated in the meditation, the companion who came to me was Saint Joan, and the first thought that rose of its own accord, was, your creativity is your home.

Memories came up: the overwhelming self-doubt I had to overcome to play Joan many years ago; the internal battle I waged (and won) backstage when I knew an important theater critic was in the audience; the times Joan showed up in my regular life outside of the play; the ways that I changed as a person after embodying her; a line from the script that stayed with me for years: She gives us courage. Moments after remembering that line, the shamanic teacher said aloud, “This companion will give you courage.” That was the first touch of synchronicity, although I remained a bit baffled as to why my unconscious had chosen these memories when I asked about home. It’s a fact, though, that the past two years have required more courage than has ever been demanded of me before.

The next day, I was on the phone with a close friend. I confessed that I had opened her Christmas gift early, which was a beautiful Citrine crystal on a pedestal. She explained that she had purchased two when she moved to her new apartment– one for her, and one for me, for when I moved into my own home again. She had read that it was associated with the positive and protective qualities of home. Today, as I read more about Citrine, I also find that Its frequency awakens creativity and imagination, and sustains the process of transforming dreams and wishes into tangible form. … It is ideal for artists of all kinds. (CrystalVaults.com) Two more incidents of synchronicity.

Finally, before I went to bed that night, I was reading another chapter of Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss. This sentence leapt out:

The word or image home clearly has many meanings, and in the dream state it is often associated with the true residence of the heart, or your deepest passion in life.

So there, a day later, was my answer to as to why, in the shamanic dream state, my unconscious had led me back to my deepest passion–my creativity–when I asked about home. A final moment of synchronicity, and a beautiful reminder to me of what really matters.

WHERE WE LOOK

When we put our attention and energy towards what we don’t want, it grows. When we put our attention and energy towards what we do want, it grows. Once we grasp this concept, we realize how addicted we are to nurturing that which causes us suffering. We can then make a shift within ourselves, and that’s when our external world can finally start to change. Imagine if we did this collectively, what a difference we would see? But it has to start with you and me.