August 17, 2010.

Oh, yes, I’d completely forgotten how it feels to work a day job and rehearse a show at the same time. I’m running on caffeine and sheer will-power but so far have managed to avoid the sugar trap. Pretty much the only thing I’ve done this past week besides work is rehearse and memorize lines. My brain is tired. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is Michelle’s voice from class ringing in my ears… “It takes EVERYTHING to be an actor.” And I think about how I don’t want to be doing this for the rest of my life- working nine hours a day for money with only a few hours a day set aside for my passion. I must always be doing the very best work I am capable of and it can’t just be passable; it has to be great. Otherwise there’s no point in living like this.

It’s been kind of a stressful week. I feel pressure to get off-book by Friday and also to have my text and character work done. But there aren’t enough hours in the day so I’ve settled for the memorization… which means I have to tolerate the director asking me to make character choices in rehearsal that I’m really not ready to make. And that’s another area where I have Michelle’s advice in my head- to trust the process and not to rush results. It can be difficult to to trust the process when a director I admire and respect is asking for more but at the end of the day it’s my job as an actor to allow a character to come forward, not to push it.


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