December 1, 2010 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)
This was the year that I went back into therapy, left my seven-year marriage, moved to the city after spending my entire Los Angeles residence on the west side, switched acting teachers, joined a theatre company, did a play and received- for the first time in my life- only positive feedback about my performance, started dating again and revamped all of my actor marketing materials. Perhaps this is progress but most days it feels like an overwhelming roller coaster ride that refuses to stop. My dear best friend sent me an article one day about floating. A reminder to stop resisting the vast intensity of life and allow myself to be absorbed into and propelled by it’s energy. I’ve written about this analogy before… that fighting the ocean leads to drowning while surrendering leads to floating. My mantra- and my friend’s- this year became: Just Float. And even while I write from a cloud of depression I can still feel the truth in this approach, because my life is better than it was a year ago. I’m hoping to touch land any day now.
There are two things I want for myself more than anything else. I want to be a working actor without a day job and I want a true partner to share my life with. I don’t care about being famous, having loads of money, owning a home or when or if I have kids. What I want is to do artistic work that I love, to have another person in my corner and to spend my time the way I please- which would include a lot more travel. Anything else would be icing on the cake but these are the essentials that I’m craving. I’m at a point in my life where not having these things feels like less than a life. I feel a tad bit better just putting this out there. Stay tuned…