HELL IS NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING

August 30, 2010.

We are ten days from opening and I want to die. Metaphorically. I’m in the phase where I hate absolutely everything about my character and how I’m playing her. All of my choices and impulses seem flat, boring, tired and repetitive. I feel like there’s no way to fulfill the great potential I saw in the role at the beginning- both because of a lack of time and because of my own limitations as an actor. But even though I feel like this now, I’m not letting myself get sucked in too far because I know that it’s just where I am in the process and that- if I keep doing the work- it will pass. Yesterday I dragged my tired carcass off the couch, broke out the video camera, and worked on my long monologue for two hours. I hated it when I started but made some good discoveries by the end. Then I went to rehearsal and the director gave me some specific physical direction that helped tremendously. I just have to keep forging ahead.

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