NOTE TO SELF: STOP WORRYING
August 23, 2008.
A few days ago I was feeling really anxious about my lack of auditions even though I am more proactive about my career than I have ever been. When I was submitting on my own I was averaging 2-3 auditions per week. Since I signed with my agent and manager I have gone on exactly two auditions in three months. And one of those I got myself. Not good. I don’t know if it’s because work was slow for a while from the threat of the strike, or if it’s because they’re submitting me for the wrong things, or what. But I look at the breakdowns myself every morning and call my agent if there’s something in particular I know I should be submitted for. I have to trust that they are working for me but I may also have to confront them on this issue in the near future.
However, in the moment that I was feeling so anxious about the situation, I reminded myself to focus on all of the auditions I was going to get rather than all of the auditions I wasn’t getting. I also reminded myself that I was working hard and doing everything I needed to do, which is a good feeling. I felt some relief. The next day I was standing in line at a store in Venice. Everything was moving slowly and I felt irritated. I again told myself to shift my thoughts to something better. Just then a man got in line behind me and did a double-take.
He said, “Oh, wow, you look so familiar to me. I know you from somewhere. I’m sure I know you.”
I didn’t recognize him at all but said, “What do you do?”
He said, “I’m in research. But you’re not in research, are you?”
I said no. (Research of what?)
He said, “Are you in theatre?”
I said yes.
He literally bent backwards and said, “Oh, my god! You were Joan of Arc! Oh, wow!”
I said, “Yeah, you saw that?”
He said, “Are you kidding? I saw it several times. It was incredible. You were so good and I was so sad when it closed because I was telling everyone to go see it.”
I said, “It’s quite a hike to go from Venice to Hollywood so many times.”
He told me how much he loved Joan’s story and how highly he thought of the production. He asked me if I was doing anything now and I said no.
He said, “Well, I just want to tell you that you are amazing and that you should keep doing what you’re doing.”
And if that’s not an encouraging little nudge from the Universe, I don’t know what is.