August 3, 2008.
At the end of class this week Tony was talking about the recent earthquake we all experienced and said that it reminded him of the fragility of life. He said, “When these things happen, a veil is ripped away, and you see that you don’t have the control over life that you think you have. All we really have is this moment- it could all end tomorrow- and so now is the time to commit to being the person you are meant to be and to doing the work you are meant to do. Because if not now, when? What are you waiting for?”
I feel that my life and my work are at another crossroads and that everything I am learning is coming to a head so that I can own who I am and what I am here on this planet to do. Adam told me that just in the last month he has seen a huge change in me and I feel that I am, at long last, dropping the dead ideas that don’t serve me anymore; those ideas that I am not good enough or deserving enough or talented enough. I am feeling a joy in my acting that I never had before because I am owning it and I am allowing myself to be free from judgment about it. It makes every day a glorious adventure- even when I don’t have any auditions or projects on the horizon. Because I am an actor and I can work on my craft every day and that, alone, makes me feel so alive.
A friend wrote in a recent blog about how a spiritual teacher always told him to ask the question, “What if this is as good as it gets?” If you are joyful when you answer that question, you are in alignment with your path and your source. I asked myself that question today. What if this is as good as it gets? What if each day was a day I wasn’t actually working or auditioning or rich or successful in the world’s eyes? And I knew, without a doubt, that this is the happiest I have ever been in my life and that right where I am is absolutely amazing, because I am on my path and the path is not about a result.
“…It is an honor to be an actor. It is also joyous, educational, challenging, and something that can be your life’s work. If you feel a deep calling, don’t let anything or anyone, including yourself, stop you from giving that gift. Flee forward, actors!” – Larry Moss